DECEMBER - engaging with life

"in a gentle way, you can shake the world —Mahatma Gandhi

dear friends, dear community,

if you are new or recently joined this community, welcome. you are home🏡. here, i share with you my process💝 of liberation as well as offer opportunities for you to enter/deepen/explore/engage with your process.🌱.

the holiday season is upon us, for those who celebrate one of the 11 or more holidays in december, happy holidays. may this season enrich your heart, spirit and culture. may you be held in community and love.

even though i personally do not celebrate christmas 🎄 or other holidays in december (it’s more accurate to say that i am detached from the babylonian calendar construct), i see the importance of christmas in jamaican culture. i didn’t understand the importance of christmas, more specifically grand market day (dec 24th), until i found out that it was the only time of year, enslaved Africans could come together and enjoy themselves amidst all their struggles  - they could get all dressed up and celebrate in community. i only came to know this last year when my family and friends abroad contributed to put on a holiday treat for the children in the community. i had hoped to make this a yearly treat, however, i didn’t get the help needed (on the ground here) to make it sustainable so this year i will focus on the christmas treat at the basic school. the good news is that when a community member heard that the community christmas treat wouldn’t happen this year, she and her family volunteered to help me with it next year. if conditions allow, i’ll visit it again in 2024.

when i was a child, christmas time was very special. i enjoyed going out in the wee hours of the morning with my grandma, walking from house to house singing christmas carols. Jonkonnu was still a part of the christmas festivities when i was a child and they were scary for me. that culture is now dead and as an adult, i feel mournful for this lost tradition that links us to our African roots. i wonder if it is possible to resurrect. idk🤷🏾‍♂️.

Jonkonnu

war within and war without

recently in a gathering, someone mentioned that there are 32 wars in the world today. i was stunned. i googled to learn more about the wars and the questions arose… which wars make the headlines and gain importance and which ones don’t? whose life has value and importance? how long have these wars been going on silently? which war shall i choose to rally for peace and justice? my grandpa used to say “donkey seh di world no level” (donkey said the world is not level). do you understand this parable?

“until the philosophy which hold one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned everywhere is war. me seh war.

that until there are no longer first-class and second-class citizens of any nation until the colour of a man's skin is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes. me seh war

that until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race. dis a war

that until that day the dream of lasting peace world citizenship rule of international morality will remain in but a fleeting illusion to be pursued but never attained. now everywhere is war. war

and until the ignoble and unhappy regime that hold our brothers in angola in mozambique, south africa sub-human bondage have been toppled utterly destroyed. well, everywhere is war. me seh war

war in the east. war in the west. war up north. war down south

war, war. rumors of war. and until that day. the african continent will not know peace. we africans will fight, we find it necessary and we know we shall win. as we are confident in the victory of good over evil. —Bob Marley (👂🏾👂🏽👂🏼song🎶)

this topic makes me look again at the subtle wars that continue within each of us that contribute to the bigger wars in family, community, nation and the earth. for example, demonizing self, attacking parts of self that are deemed unacceptable. not allowing emotions to circulate, internalized oppression and conformity, ignoring biological needs, etc. once we do this violence to self then we can easily do it to another.

“the way out is in —Thich Nhat Hanh

when i was in the monastery, the insight that ceasing the war within and helping others to do the same is a type of activism. in other words, cultivating peace ☮️ within (something that is within reach for me and possibly for you as well). i wasn’t really valuing this type of activism as going to a rally or protest seems more valuable. still today at times i have the feeling that “i should be going out there”. to help myself discern, i began to write down all my engagements then realized that i am doing enough as well as i am doing what i am called to do and i am at the edge of my capacity. it's not possible to extend further without sacrifices (health, substance, joyful service). may i be satisfied with where i am. may it be enough. i am grateful for those with the capacity and skillfulness who rally for peace and justice as we do need that as well. you may like to read an except on war and peace, Thich Nhat Hanh on cultivating true peace.

“never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble —John Lewis

flowing with life

last month i shared about trusting my process and flowing with life. this doesn’t mean that it’s a linear road. my colonized mind would lead me to believe that if i put my mind to it, then i can do it. yes and no. i can hear Joanne Friday say…yes, with gentle diligent practice over time it’s possible. no, i cannot merely achieve it because i think it. our intentions must be cultivated and that is a process. sometimes when we set an intention and we seem to be going in the opposite direction we may give up. in fact, that’s part of the process. building trust is not a linear process, it’s spiral. i can hear Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh is affectionately referred to as Thay, meaning teacher in Vietnamese) saying, trust is made of non-trust elements. there will be elements of doubt, fear, etc. that shows up in the process. the question is how do you identify and explore these elements when they show up? they might have something to teach us. this is how i have been approaching my process of building trust and flowing with life.

grief

which brings me to grief work…

continuing to work with grief, i am amazed to see the inner workings of avoidance. although weeks ago it became clear that if i wanted my truer, fuller self back, i must go through the grief that was emerging. that was an intellectual understanding, not embodied. human beings are wired to avoid pain and suffering and seek pleasures. it takes gentle, diligent practice over time to rewire the brain. it’s quite normal and natural that there would be ‘fear of going there’, ‘fear of big bad GRIEF’, ‘fear of being overwhelmed’ or ‘fear of the unknown’. each time i went there i saw that there is nothing to fear and each time it comes back around, it’s a bit different. with awareness and capacity, one can get to begin to relate to grief and how it moves through the body. it’s not about getting rid of it. if you just get rid of it then the messages, lessons, insights also gets thrown away and so does connection, wisdom and freedom.

“only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” —Brené Brown

exploring grief, i touched flow, joy, beauty and a deep sense of connection to myself and beyond. yet, the fear is there each time grief emerges. i am patiently and gently leaning into this human wiring knowing each time i explore grief i am setting a new neural pathway and this process is not linear. even though there is fear, i gently ease into the grief and find where it resides in my body and explore it. i would invite the fearful part of me and show it that there is nothing to fear - it’s just an emotion. Ghan’s passing may be the trigger to grief, but this grief is old…ancestral. so tending to grief is also tending to my roots. i need to continue to resource myself to expand my capacity to tend to grief.

denial

speaking of emotions and avoidance, i would like to touch on denial…

in my last months in the monastery there was a dharma talk (teaching) that touched on DENIAL. the acronym surprised me.

don’t | even | notice/know | i | am | lying

Thay sometimes asked his students, “are you sure?” as a way of checking oneself again and again and again…

denial is not bad. denial is not the enemy. it’s a protective strategy that is most of the time unconscious. bringing awareness to it may help us gauge where we are. maybe we are not ready to look at or explore something so denial steps in and denies it. protective strategies are there because there was a time when we needed it. they continue to operate and some may not want to retire. learning to relate to these protectors in a respectful way and living in harmony with them has been a process. one of the turning points for me on the path is to see that protective strategies are normal human biological behaviors and that there is nothing wrong with them. they are NOT a defect. Resmaa reminded us in his training that PROTECTIVE not DEFECTIVE. see how that lands for you if you say it to yourself, PROTECTIVE not DEFECTIVE. it's a practice to rewire this thinking / belief. the day that i started to see denial operating in me, was a happy day as i knew that it trusted me enough to show itself to me. my self love and acceptance practice was actually working🎉. i didn’t go to war with denial.

when conditions are favourable, things open and when favourable things closes

“the greater the wounding, the more numerous and powerful our protectors need to be.” —Bonnie Badenoch

it seems that i could go on sharing and i will pause here for now. i would like to thank my ancestors who showed up in this sharing. may you continue to stand with me and be my guiding force.

if you have read to this point, thank you for your interest in my inner process. i hope it is helpful for your process.

until next time👉🏾 take good care,

🫶🏾🌱🪄✨✨🫶🏾

Kenyatta A

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swing repair - thank you🙏🏾

EXCERPT CREATING TRUE PEACE☮️

What is True Peace?

True peace is always possible. Yet it requires strength and practice, particularly in times of great difficulty. To some, peace and nonviolence are synonymous with passivity and weakness. In truth, practicing peace and nonviolence is far from passive. To practice peace, to make peace alive in us, is to actively cultivate understanding, love, and compassion, even in the face of misperception and conflict. Practicing peace, especially in times of war, requires courage.

All of us can practice nonviolence. We begin by recognizing that, in the depths of our consciousness, we have both the seeds of compassion and the seeds of violence. We become aware that our mind is like a garden that contains all kinds of seeds: seeds of understanding, seeds of forgiveness, seeds of mindfulness, and also seeds of ignorance, fear, and hatred. We realize that, at any given moment, we can behave with either violence or compassion, depending on the strength of these seeds within us.

When the seeds of anger, violence, and fear are watered in us several times a day, they will grow stronger. Then we are unable to be happy, unable to accept ourselves; we suffer and we make those around us suffer. Yet when we know how to cultivate the seeds of love, compassion, and understanding in us every day, those seeds will become stronger, and the seeds of violence and hatred will become weaker and weaker. We know that if we water the seeds of anger, violence, and fear in us, we will lose our peace and our stability. We will suffer and we will make those around us suffer. But if we cultivate the seeds of compassion, we nourish peace within us and around us. With this understanding, we are already on the path of creating peace.

…

The Nature of War

{Thay talks about the solider who came and took the last bag of rice and the seed of anger arising in him.. they didn’t know each other names but they were already enemies}

…

This is the nature of war: it turns us into enemies. People who have never met kill each other out of fear. War creates so much suffering—children become orphans, entire cities and villages are destroyed. All who suffer through these conflicts are victims. Coming from a background of such devastation and suffering, having experienced the French-Indochina War and the Vietnam War, I have the deep aspiration to prevent war from ever happening again.

It is my prayer that nations will no longer send their young people to fight each other, not even in the name of peace. I do not accept the concept of a war for peace, a “just war,” as I also cannot accept the concept of “just slavery,” “just hatred,” or “just racism.” During the wars in Vietnam, my friends and I declared ourselves neutral; we took no sides and we had no enemies, North or South, French, American, or Vietnamese. We saw that the first victim of war is the person who perpetrates it. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.”

…

The Nature of Peace

During the war in Vietnam, those of us who practiced nonviolence learned that it is truly possible to live happily and free from hatred, even among people who hate us. But to do so, we need to be calm, to see clearly what the real situation is and what it is not, and then to wake up and act with courage. Peace is not simply the absence of violence; it is the cultivation of understanding, insight, and compassion, combined with action. Peace is the practice of mindfulness, the practice of being aware of our thoughts, our actions, and the consequences of our actions. Mindfulness is at once simple and profound. When we are mindful and cultivate compassion in our daily lives, we diminish violence each day. We have a positive effect on our family, friends, and society.